Limerence

Limerence is an intense, involuntary state of longing for another person, marked by intrusive thoughts, idealisation, and moods that rise and fall with any sign they might feel the same. Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the word in her 1979 book Love and Limerence.

The longer explanation

Tennov based the concept on interviews about romantic experience. She separated limerence from other forms of love such as companionate affection. Key features include fixation on the "limerent object," craving for reciprocation, fear of rejection, and an intensity that grows with uncertainty or obstacles. That last feature is why hot-and-cold behaviour and breadcrumbing can feed it.

It's described as a common experience, not a disorder.

Example

You've reread one message twenty times, can describe every outfit they've worn, and your whole day turns on whether they've watched your story.

What it is not

Limerence isn't a diagnosis and it isn't in the DSM. It isn't the same as a secure, settled love, and it doesn't mean the other person feels the same.

Online use vs research use

The online meaning is close to Tennov's. Online communities sometimes treat it as a condition, but it isn't a clinical category.

I'm learning the difference between love and longing.