Hoovering

Hoovering, named after the vacuum cleaner brand, is an attempt to suck someone back into a relationship they've left or are leaving. It typically uses flattery, nostalgia, sudden crises or promises to change.

The longer explanation

Cleveland Clinic psychologist Dr Susan Albers calls it "not a clinical term" but a "really familiar dynamic." The article frames hoovering as a manipulative tactic that often begins with flattery or love bombing. Then the old pattern resumes. It's most discussed in the context of narcissistic and abusive relationships.

The pull works because hoovering usually arrives exactly when you're starting to feel better.

Example

Six weeks into no contact: "Saw our song on the radio and cried. I've been doing a lot of work on myself." Two weeks after you reply, everything is the way it was.

What it is not

An ex who reaches out once, accepts "no," and leaves you alone isn't hoovering. Neither is a sincere, sustained effort at repair that you both choose.

Online use vs research use

Pop-psychology term. Online it's sometimes used for any contact from an ex. The clinical framing ties it to control and repeating cycles.

He came back every time I let go. This time I let go of the door too.