Dismissive-avoidant attachment

Dismissive-avoidant is one of the four adult attachment categories in Bartholomew and Horowitz's (1991) model. It describes a positive view of yourself paired with a guarded or low-trust view of others. People with this pattern tend to value independence highly and play down how much they need closeness.

The longer explanation

The dismissive pattern is high on avoidance and relatively low on anxiety. The person isn't constantly worried about being left. They're more likely to feel crowded, to treat emotional needs (theirs or yours) as a burden, and to step back when things get intense. Researchers link it to deactivating strategies such as suppressing attachment-related thoughts and stressing self-sufficiency.

Online you'll often see this abbreviated as "DA," as in "my DA ex."

Example

You raise a hurt feeling. They say "you're overthinking it" and change the subject, and later that week suggest you both need "more independence." The behaviour fits a dismissive pattern. The label still can't be confirmed from outside.

What it is not

It isn't narcissism, sociopathy, or a lack of feeling. It isn't a diagnosis you can make about an ex from a list of signs.

Online use vs research use

Popular content often treats "dismissive avoidant" as a fixed identity and predicts what a DA will do months after a breakup. Research doesn't support that kind of prediction about an individual.

You called it independence. I call it closed.