In love

What it looks like

You say what you need and expect it to be taken seriously. A late reply is just a late reply. Conflict feels uncomfortable but survivable, and you can repair after it. You can depend on a partner and let them depend on you without it feeling like a trap.

What helps Security is not immunity. Stress, a bad breakup or a partner who keeps blowing hot and cold can raise anxiety or avoidance for a while. Keep choosing people who are consistent, and keep the habits that work for you: saying things directly, repairing after fights, and not over-explaining your needs.

With each kind of partner

• With an anxious partner

  An anxious partner may need more reassurance than you would. Steady, predictable contact often calms things a lot. Just don't take on the job of fixing all their fear.

  Read the full guide

• With a dismissive-avoidant partner

  A dismissing partner may pull back just as you get closer. You are likely to notice it sooner and name it more calmly than most people would. Whether they meet you there is up to them.

  Read the full guide

• With a fearful-avoidant partner

  A fearful partner can swing between closeness and distance. Your consistency helps, but you can't hold the relationship together by yourself.

  Read the full guide